MAY 26, 2023 – For military families, moving can occur during any time of year but generally takes place during the peak months of May through August. During this transition of saying goodbye to friends and family and moving to a new community, there is generally an increase in stress for parents as well as children.
A permanent change of station, or PCS, is defined as movement from one duty location to another and is a core aspect of military life that generally occurs every 2–3 years. According to a 2018 RAND Corporation report, each year approximately one-third of service members move to a new duty location. A PCS move involves leaving employment, finding a home, building new social support networks, establishing new routines, and adjusting to an unfamiliar place. For military children, a PCS move also means starting classes in a new school, building new friendships, and finding new social activities.
How to best prepare for a PCS move
According to the Blue Star Families’ 2019 Military Family Lifestyle Survey, relocation is cited as a top stressor for military families, particularly among children. Although relocation can be challenging, there are some helpful strategies to limit stress and foster positive benefits, such as building family resilience and making the most of the moving experience.
- Open Communication – Inform children about the move as soon as possible. Have an open, sit-down discussion about the move, and allow time for everyone to talk about what excites and worries them about it move. Develop a calendar as a visual reminder to help count down the time to moving.
- Active Listening – Encourage children to talk about their feelings and ask questions. Listen to their concerns and normalize the pros and cons of a PCS move, including feelings of excitement, sadness, worry, and confusion.
- Explore Calming Techniques – To help manage stress, establish a routine to practice healthy coping skills as a family, such as journaling, reading, deep breathing, exercising, etc. Teaching coping skills to children regularly can help them tolerate, minimize and manage anticipated and unexpected stressful situations in life.
- Be Creative – Prior to moving, develop fun activities such as visiting favorite locations and restaurants, creating a scrapbook including pictures of friends and a to-do list to explore the new location.
- Encourage and Empower – Involve children in researching new homes, schools, extracurricular activities, and fun facts about your new community.
- Assign Special Roles – Provide children particular roles in the moving process, such as packing boxes, hosting a yard sale, organizing items for donation, etc. Including children in the moving process can help lessen anxiety and foster a sense of pride in helping with decision-making in preparation for upcoming changes.
- Stay connected – Discuss ways for children to stay connected to friends. In particular, depending on the child’s age, discuss both safe and unsafe options for communicating with friends and family.
Additional resources to help children
Awareness of supportive websites and military community programs designed to aid relocation challenges can serve as a protective factor for military families during the PCS season.
Sesame Street for Military Families offers relocation resources and downloadable activities to help families maintain a sense of comfort through the changes associated with military life.
PCSgrades provides trusted reviews written by fellow military families about on- and off-base housing options, schools, moving companies, youth sports, real estate agents, and more.
Military OneSource lists relocation assistance planning tools, free resources, and support to help plan a PCS move.
The Defense Health Agency supports our Nation by improving health and building readiness—making extraordinary experiences ordinary and exceptional outcomes routine.
Here are some additional tips to prepare the family and involve your children in the big move:
Routines, rituals and schedules: These are typically established during the non-event phase (aka normal life), and help the child/ren to have consistent check-in points and known expectations. Essentially, these are the routines your children use on a daily basis. They can range from always saying goodbye the same way, bedtime routines, or a favorite stuffed animal that accompanies the child on a new adventure. By taking the time to cultivate these routines, the children have a moment of normalcy and comfort despite all the changes.
Communication: Communication is always important within a family; however, during times of transition it becomes vital. The counselor suggested setting a family meeting where everyone can discuss what to expect, where the family is in the process, and upcoming tasks. Even if the child is not able to fully engage in the discussions, they are included in the process which shows their value within the family. Additionally, she said you may be amazed at creative solutions your child has to problems!
Little Helpers: Children want to help out and while it can seem like more work at times, being able to engage them in the move can help them feel connected and excited for the new location. Finding age-appropriate tasks to help prepare can be anything from having your child pack their travel backpack with toys, books and stuffed animals or asking them to help shred papers for you. She also suggested asking your child in what type of new activities they may want to try at the new duty location and then follow up with information you find. This helps to give the child something to look forward to at their new home.
Make it Visual: Children love when they can see progress since time is a fluid concept to them. Something as simple as printing off a calendar or creating a paper chain with the number of days till the move, then having the child “x” or remove one chain each day. This helps the child visually understand how much longer .
Do it together: Lastly, the over-arching tip the counselor offered was to do things together. This may be particularly hard when you are in the midst of a move and the endless to do list, but children desire closeness and connectedness during times of uncertainty. Any way you can be together – either working on a common task or project, or simply in the same space – it will help the child feel connected.
By Army Lt. Col. Melissa Boyd
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Defense Centers for Public Health–Aberdeen