AUGUST 6, 2025 – Military spouses don’t sign enlistment contracts, but their sacrifices often match those who serve in uniform. When deployments happen, especially with children in the home, spouses take on a heavy and often invisible load. They may pause their careers, parent alone, and live far from extended family or support systems. This story offers a look into that quiet burden through the experience of one woman whose situation reflects the reality of many.
“Imagine someone threatening your family or friends. You would be there to defend them, wouldn’t you?” said Master Sergeant Lemuel Brown, senior enlisted leader of the 421st Expeditionary Fighter Squadron. Now deployed to Kadena Air Base, Japan, Brown is focused on supporting U.S. allies while making sure his family stays steady at home.
“My priority is making sure my household has the resources and support it needs during my absence,” said Brown.
Back at home, his wife, Mrs. Brown, a financial aid administrator and mother of three, manages the family’s responsibilities on her own. In her living room, a silver-framed mirror, a translucent blue vase, and a tan wooden plaque that spells “DAD” with their children’s names engraved between each letter reflect a home built on love and strength.
Each of her three children has a distinct personality. Carli, age 10, is quiet and independent. “She never asks for affection but never turns it away either,” said Mrs. Brown. Carter, eight, is funny and nurturing. “Let’s go somewhere that makes you happy,” he told her after seeing her cry on deployment day. Cari, age five, is deeply attached. “If I could step outside my skin, she would probably step in it,” said Mrs. Brown.
“It is never better being by yourself doing a two-person job as one person,” said Mrs. Brown.
Mornings require extra patience as Mrs. Brown wakes up for work at 7 a.m. and makes sure the family dog gets walked. She thinks she would feel less pressure if she were not working.
Mrs. Brown then gets Cari ready for school, a responsibility her husband used to handle. Cari still needs help with basic tasks like brushing her teeth. Her older children, home for summer break, are more independent.
While Cari heads to preschool, her older siblings are home for summer break. They are more independent and manage on their own during the day.
After dropping off her youngest, Mrs. Brown returns home to begin her remote job. Later in the afternoon, she heads back to the preschool to pick up Cari. Her daughter’s excitement at seeing her is a daily reminder of why she keeps going.
While she has built a small support system during her five years at Hill Air Force Base, she still handles most daily responsibilities on her own. These include school drop-offs, errands, medical appointments, meals, and laundry. “There are no breaks,” stated Mrs. Brown. “Having a support system is make or break.”
Even when she is sick, Mrs. Brown keeps going. “There are days when I have really bad headaches, but I still have to be a mom,” she said. When a recent eye infection left one eye swollen shut, a neighbor drove her to the emergency room while a friend stayed with the children. “Creating those friendships is what means the most in times like these,” she said.
Family visits bring relief. Her mother is visiting now, and her brother plans to arrive soon. “It is nice to have people here and feel like I am not by myself, even though technically I still am,” she said.
Sleep is hard to come by during her husband’s deployment. “We talk to him sometimes between 3 p.m. and 5 p.m.,” added Mrs. Brown. “Sometimes he tries to call them before bed if he is able to between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m.” Cari recently told her father on a video call, “You have to come and get me from Utah.”
For Father’s Day, Mrs. Brown picked out a gift, showed it to the kids, and mailed it with three handwritten cards. “If I feel like there is something he may need or ask for, I will send it,” said Mrs. Brown. “I look forward to watching him open his Father’s Day gifts this weekend.”
With summer in full swing, the absence of routine adds another layer of difficulty. Her older two children are home, while the youngest is enrolled in preschool. Her older two children are home, while the youngest is enrolled in preschool. “They have been on the waitlist for the Youth Center for months,” she shared. Mrs. Brown applied for a childcare program offered through Hearts Apart, a military family support program, which also hosted a movie night off base earlier this summer.
Although the Hearts Apart program offers events and resources to support families during deployments, Mrs. Brown usually chooses not to attend. She finds large group settings uncomfortable.
“If you are very introverted, it’s hard to pull yourself out of that to sit in a room full of strangers,” she said. “Especially when you don’t have anything in common with them.”
Master Sergeant Rachel Cyr, the new noncommissioned officer in charge of Military and Family Readiness at Hill Air Force Base understands. “I am an introvert myself,” said Cyr. “Over my time in the military, I really have not joined many groups either.”
She recommends smaller gatherings or one-on-one sessions. “Some events might be smaller groups,” she said. “I am more than happy to sit down with someone, just the two of us.”
Cyr is working to tailor Hearts Apart events to a wider range of needs. “I heard from a spouse who doesn’t have kids,” said Cyr. The spouse explained that it was difficult to relate to others because most activities were focused on families. “Going forward, my goal is to alternate events. One month, something family-focused; the next, something anyone could enjoy.”
For spouses like Mrs. Brown, who carry the load quietly, that kind of flexibility can make a big difference.
“It is not always bad,” said Mrs. Brown, who is planning trips to see family in Atlanta and a solo getaway to Las Vegas. “I want my kids to look back and say, ‘Mom was there for me.’”
Mrs. Brown remembers the day her husband left because everything changed. “I am going to have to be a single parent again,” she said.
Still, she carries the load every day until he comes home.
Her message to other spouses is simple. “Having the village and creating those friendships means the most.”
Her resilience, like that of many military spouses, helps keep the mission going. While deployments are visible and often recognized, the quiet service of those left behind is not always seen. For neighbors, coworkers, and friends, a simple check-in, a helping hand, or a kind word can make a big difference.
You never know what someone might be carrying until you ask.
Story by Airman 1st Class Chauncey Glenn
2D Audiovisual Squadron